Shavebacca

In a post-rebellion economy, there simply wasn't much call for a wookie co-pilot/smuggler. It certainly didn't help that Han, his former boss, shut down their independently owned mom-and-pop smuggling operation so he could settle down, get married, and have kids in the suburbs. Facing unemployment, Chewbacca had no choice but to go corporate and look for work in a cubicle somewhere.

The first months were the hardest. Chewie went to countless interviews in dozens of star systems (Han at least had the courtesy to lend him the keys to the Falcon while he went job hunting, provided he paid for his own gas and didn't get any tickets), but nothing panned out. It wasn't until one potential employer gave him some friendly advice.

“Chewie,” said Ted at accounts receivable for Tatooine Moisture Vaporators, LLC. “Do you mind if I call you Chewie? Chewie, your resume looks good. You got great people skills. The thing is, nobody's going to hire a guy who shows up to an interview without any pants on. Watto? Jabba? They don't wear pants, and they're criminals. You want to get hired, you need some nice trousers. Maybe a good suit and tie. At least an oxford and some khakis. While you're at it, you might think about shaving. Not professionally, just as a personal choice. Let me tell you from experience, the ladies love a smooth chested guy.”

- Originally mailed to K. Murphey in Chicago, Illinois