Emperor Palpatine was none too happy
with the destruction of the first Death Star. Naturally, he insisted
on a second, even bigger than the previous one, for it was the
backbone of his sinister plans. Though Palpatine was an evil genius,
however, he had no mind for business or the cost of running an evil
empire. Lord Vader considered pointing out that with the destruction
of their staggeringly expensive experimental battle station, one with
such a major design flaw, perhaps it would be best to take a moment
to go back to the drawing board before putting forth such an
egregiously large bond issue before the finance committee. Vader said
nothing, of course, because there wasn't much room for logistics when
having a discussion with the emperor, what with all of the creepy
leering and the lightning.
Palpatine would not take no for an
answer, so Lord Vader did what he always did when given an impossible
task. He delegated. The head of the finance committee wanted to point
out that the empire couldn't afford a second Death Star right now,
especially considering the order was for one “just like the first
one, only, like, six times bigger.” He didn't even ask if Vader
wanted it literally six times bigger, which would not be a large
diameter increase or if he wanted the diameter to be six times
larger, for there wasn't much room for logistics when having a
discussion with Vader, what with all the breathing and the choking.
He opted for the bigger one, even though it made the fatal exhaust
port big enough to fit a ship into. As for the money, the empire
would simply resort to product placement for a little while.
- Originally mailed to J. Hall of Jackson, Mississippi
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