Tin Men

Once a beloved but clumsy wood cutter, the Tin Man had become a monster since he took control of the forest in a bloody coup. People dreaded the coming of his “justice” which fell upon them as quickly as the blade of his axe. He was a heartless tyrant who cared nothing for his subjects. There were attempts to overthrow him, but most weapons the poor peasants could fashion deflected effortlessly off his metal body, and they learned soon enough that the few that could puncture his iron hyde did nothing, for the Tin Man was as hollow as he was heartless, a foul ghost trapped in an empty metal suit. So great a dissatisfaction cannot go unaddressed, however, and though they dared not speak their thoughts aloud for fear of his axe and they could no more assassinate him than change his mind, they resorted to an anonymous protest, crafting men of tin cans and leaving them hanging from the trees of the forest and the poles in town.

- Originally mailed to J. Cox of New Orleans, Louisiana

Plans for Doomsday

Another world war was inevitable, and it going nuclear only slightly less so. Experts across the globe forecast virtually identical doomsday scenarios. What would set off the war and when. Who would go nuclear first. Who would retaliate and where. When it would finally end. Fallout levels and how long the resulting nuclear winter would last. So precise were these myriad independent predictions that many, including the generals themselves, admitted defeat before even starting, and proceeded with the war anyway for they felt they no longer had a choice in the matter. People were so caught up in the “this is what will happen” part of the message that they completely overlooked the “unless we do something about it” bit at the end. Nations readied themselves for war just as predicted, even though they knew they would lose. Everyone, philosophers and laymen alike, bemoaned the death of free will if indeed it had ever existed at all. It had a strange effect on the psyche of the world, for though everyone knew the end was nigh, nowhere in the predictions-turned-prophecies was there mention of panic or rioting. No mention was given to the civilian masses at all except in terms of casualties and collateral damage. People assumed this meant that they would carry on life as normal until the end, and so they did. Only a few people deviated from their day-to-day existences, and even then only in small ways. Women didn't wait for men to propose as often, for instance, and some restaurants in the rural areas outside of major cities began to include in their advertising that their patios would have the best views for the end of the world.

- Originally mailed to J. and L. Stillman of New York City, New York

Integrity Day

Every first Monday in November, the people of Williamsburg, Louisiana would celebrate Integrity Day and the coming of the Thin Man. People would dress in costumes and carry large puppets to walk the streets admitting their mistakes and shortcomings in exchange for candies and cakes. It was a day when people could quit their jobs or break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend with no hard feelings, so long as they were honest about why, for that was the nature of Integrity Day. It was a chance to be honest with others, to come clean about being no good for someone, and to step away before causing any more problems. Originally, the holiday was celebrated in June, for the story goes that the Thin Man, a top hatted gentleman tall and twig skinny, would come out of the woods and whisk away anyone who thought to enter into a marriage or business arrangement with secrets or ill intentions. As most marriages happened in June and many business deals centered on the coming crops, the beginning of summer seemed the logical time to celebrate Integrity Day. However, as elections became more heated, the holiday gradually shifted to the day before elections in the hopes the Thin Man would come and take away any scheming politicians before they could be elected, or at least force the politicians to come clean before any ballots were cast. It did virtually nothing, as politicians would simply make some trivial token confession and then use their presence on Election Day as evidence that they were trustworthy and morally upright individuals.

- Originally mailed to M. Hendry of Davenport, Florida

Concentrate of Thailand

Feeling misunderstood on an international level, Thailand felt they needed to promote an awareness of their customs and culture. Unfortunately, with the global economic downturn, they lacked the resources to do a full on world wide public relations effort. What they lacked in wealth, however, they made up for in two things: top notch researchers and pineapples. Through careful crop breeding and flavor manipulation, they distilled all that they felt it meant to be Thai and genetically encoded the taste of Thailand into their world famous pineapples.

When bottles appeared on store shelves and in kitchen pantries across the world, no one noticed. Not until the cracked open the safety seal and took that first sip of the nation's new pineapple juice did they notice the new flavor contained within. Like the nation's Buddhist past, the juice was a perfectly balanced blend of flavors with no one part overpowering another. Their taste buds danced to “Phleng Chat Thai,” and they savored the flavor of sixty-six million people with a GDP per capita of $9396. Mingling with the rich sweetness was the taste of tropical forests, green fields, and towering mountains. It tasted not of rice, but a thriving rice industry, and a culture deeply enriched by its agrarian roots. Though the pulp had been removed, the juice still had hints of respect toward one's ancestors and elders, and a strong spirit of generosity. It packed the energy of soccer and muai thai with the tranquility appropriate to the golf capital of Asia. Those who drank the juice felt a certain kinship for the small nation that they had not known before. True to the country's hopes, appreciation for Thailand blossomed in markets where the juice could be purchased. The effect was short lived, however, as people soon stopped purchasing the bottles. Though the experience was pleasant, former customers said, the juice didn't taste much like pineapples.

- Originally mailed to M. Blackwood of Los Angeles, California

Boot Country

Boot Country, a sovereign nation located in the southern US, always struggled to get the recognition they felt they deserved on any sort of international level. With a population of only seven (fifteen seasonal) and an economy based on solely on cowboy boots, the country shouldn't have been surprised with the United Nations turned down their request to join. The UN questioned their very existence as a country. They imported literally everything, including their utilities and the boots they sold. They didn't even create the products the exported. The entire population except for the nation's president and the first lady were actually people with dual citizenship, living in the United States but working in Boot Country. The UN also accused them of being a sham democracy, claiming to engage in free and fair elections, but only allowing the president and his family to vote. Their counter argument, that the other five citizens only lived in the nation forty hours a week and thus didn't meet residency requirements, was shot down by human rights groups as an effort to “disenfranchise the masses and avoid giving employees health insurance.” Boot Country had no response to this accusation except to install a first aid kit in the break room commonwealth.

- Originally mailed to P. Goff in Madison, Mississippi