Counting Palettes

The Crate and Palette, a shipping store, first opened their doors for business, there was one question they had never thought to ask. When receiving a shipment of palettes, does one count the palette the palettes come on? It seemed logical that one would. After all, why add an extra palette and the extra shipping weight just to create a flat surface to stack goods on? After all, the product itself was a flat surface for stacking and shipping goods. Naturally they took it on good faith that when nine palettes arrived stacked on a palette that their order of ten palettes had been fulfilled. A quick call to their supplier confirmed the practice. Then other products started to come in. The crates came on their own palette, as did the boxes and bubble wrap, and as far as they could tell, those palettes didn't need to be purchased or even requested. Further, though they ordered ten palettes, only the top nine were new. Having been used for shipping, the bottom palette was often scuffed and sometimes broken, and thus couldn't be sold as a new palette with the rest of them. It was obvious their distributor had been ripping them off. However, after some number crunching, management at The Crate and Palette decided to let it go, for though they were getting cheated out of a new palette, gently used ones sold for only ten percent less, and with the free palettes that came with the crates and boxes and bubble wrap, they turned a higher profit than they might if they confronted their supplier and risked having him ship their goods using some other medium of transportation.

- Originally mailed to M. Bennett from Plano, Texas

Integrity Day

Every first Monday in November, the people of Williamsburg, Louisiana would celebrate Integrity Day and the coming of the Thin Man. People would dress in costumes and carry large puppets to walk the streets admitting their mistakes and shortcomings in exchange for candies and cakes. It was a day when people could quit their jobs or break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend with no hard feelings, so long as they were honest about why, for that was the nature of Integrity Day. It was a chance to be honest with others, to come clean about being no good for someone, and to step away before causing any more problems. Originally, the holiday was celebrated in June, for the story goes that the Thin Man, a top hatted gentleman tall and twig skinny, would come out of the woods and whisk away anyone who thought to enter into a marriage or business arrangement with secrets or ill intentions. As most marriages happened in June and many business deals centered on the coming crops, the beginning of summer seemed the logical time to celebrate Integrity Day. However, as elections became more heated, the holiday gradually shifted to the day before elections in the hopes the Thin Man would come and take away any scheming politicians before they could be elected, or at least force the politicians to come clean before any ballots were cast. It did virtually nothing, as politicians would simply make some trivial token confession and then use their presence on Election Day as evidence that they were trustworthy and morally upright individuals.

- Originally mailed to M. Hendry of Davenport, Florida

Inflation

When the bottom of the economy finally fell out, inflation kicked in with a vengeance. Being an intelligent guy, Hans Mauer immediately took all the cash he could find and went to a store, knowing that goods would always be worth something, whereas his money might not. By the time he arrived, the price of candy had already almost doubled, so he bought the whole box. Candy was a luxury good, after all, so those lucky few who had wealth would pay a hefty sum for it later. When he arrived home, the same candy was selling for five dollars. A pack of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups came to more than fifteen by lunch, and by the end of the week, inflation has spiraled so wildly out of control he could have bought a brand new car with the money he made, presuming of course that the price of automobiles had not also skyrocketed. But nothing lasts forever, and Hans knew this. When it looked like the economy could take no more, when the neighboring nations would have no choice but to intervene, he sold every scrap of candy he had. He made hundreds of thousands of dollars, and exactly as predicted, the government stepped in with a new gold standard currency. The old money was virtually worthless. As a sort of kindness, the treasury allowed for the old currency to be traded in for pennies of the new stuff, but Hans didn't take the deal. Instead, he waited for all the old cash to die away, to be collected and burned. Then, two years later when he had one of the only supplies of the old dollar bills, he sold his hoard off to museums and collectors one bill it at time, on average getting twice the printed dollar value. In the end, his box of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups netted him a cool million goldbacks. He retired early, all over a little candy and a lot of patience.

- Originally mailed to J. Ransom Raper in Batesville, Arkansas.