Most Hardcore

The punk community of San Pedro, California, in a rare moment of organization and concern for status, took a vote on who was the most hardcore. The rockers campaigned, told stories of their legendary antics, their epic acts of rebelliousness, the amount of contempt they had for authority. Deep down, however, most people accepted that the winner would be Trashcan Dave, who once camped in a trash can for a week rather than live in a house where he had to turn his music down. Trashcan Dave, who then used that trash can to beat down some snot nosed dirt stain who tried to start something. Trashcan Dave, who walked the whole way from LA to San Diego once to catch a Shinsplints concert. Trashcan Dave, who even in his sleep was more angry, more metal, more hardcore than most were in their most wakeful hours. The day of the vote came, and to no one's surprise, Trashcan Dave won the popular vote, but district lines being what they were, he lost when the electoral college went with Nosebleed Dan, who as a dare once ate a half-eaten In-and-Out burger someone found on a park bench.

- Originally mailed to R. Morris in Cambridge, Ontario in Canada.