Going Underwater

After taking hurricane related flooding for the fifth straight season, the residents of Makepeace, MS decided they would no longer fight the inevitable. If the universe wanted their beloved town beneath the waves, so be it. They hired mechanics to make their vehicles amphibious. They installed airlocks on their homes, and those top scientists not already modifying their genetic code for improved lung capacity and/or gills worked diligently day in and day out to waterproof the cable TV infrastructure. When the first major storm made landfall the following year, all the residents of Makepeace waited in rapt anticipation. After months of planning and waiting, Submersion Day had come. The storm was only a category one, however, and the town only partially flooded. They were disheartened, sure, but the American spirit is an indomitable beast, and they tuned their waterproof televisions to the Weather Channel and waited. There would always be another storm.

- Originally mailed to J. St. John of Picayune, Mississippi

The Gathering Storm

The twelfth annual The Gathering Storm, a convention for clouds, took place on the weekend of July 27th-29th in Oxbow, Nebraska. It allowed the various clouds of the world to gather, share news and gossip, swap job techniques, and generally socialize outside of the office. The convention began with the president's Harrison B. Nimbus's oft-quoted “Clouds: Above It All” keynote speech, in which he asked his vaporous brethren to take pride in all they do for the planet. Afterward, the clouds attended the seminars on topics such as when to rain (“The Grass Is Long, Looks Like Rain,” “Parades: A How-To,” and “Withholding Affection: Why We Drought”), panels on how to rain (“California: Just Pour,” “Attracting Water Vapour: A Growth Roundtable,” and “Gradual Intensity: How Sprinkling in the Morning Means More Drenched People in the Afternoon”), and the seldom attended lectures on where to rain (“Farmland Needs You!” and “Hurricanes: How to Choose a Strikezone BEFORE the Last Minute”). The the weekend ended with a mixer, which like most cloud mixers, had a lot of shouting, turned into a pissing match, and ended with everyone storming off.

- Originally mailed to H. Ainsworth from Gulfport, MS

Water Tower

The summer had been a hot and dry one, and the local water tower felt pride in finally being able to aid his fair city, to water its lawns and cool its children, to make the grass grow ever green. On the day they were to open his floodgates to the parched world and let him give drink, a meddlesome rainstorm stole his thunder. “A conspiracy!” he cried, but who could argue with the cumulonimbus's alibi? He was from out of town, and the city had all dried up. He assumed if there had been a water tower, it would have been put to use already. The water tower sighed and put on his most patient face. The storm cloud would take the spotlight today, but the tower was no fly by night operation. No, he would always be there for his city, and one day, when the hurricanes came and people cursed the storm, they would turn to him for water pressure and on that day, he would hold his head higher than ever.

- Originally mailed to D. Garner of Biloxi, Mississippi