The Saga of Fishback the Cat - Chapter 20

After a long quest that took him through the gates of Death and back, Fishback, having learned to rule over humans and stolen the secrets of shapeshifting from cat to man and back from the gods, decided to put his new found skills and abilities to good use. When he set out, he intended to enslave his human and perhaps all others, but in learning what life was like for humans, he was swayed by pity and chose instead to help the unfortunate animal that was man. His own human Andrew, for instance, worked hard all week and barely had the time to care for Fishback, let alone himself, and barely had the money to do likewise. Fishback decided to use his abilities to help his human, and by extension, all humans. He opened a consulting firm.

After Andrew left for work each day, Fishback would brew a batch of shape-shifting potion and go to work, where people paid him to sit around all day and share with them his benevolent understanding of humans and how to treat them better so they will be able to do better in return. Then, at the end of the day, he would lock up his business, hide the money he earned in places Andrew would find it and assume he had lost or forgotten it—under couch cushions, in the pockets of winter coats—and return to his feline form, ready to greet his hard working human with a nuzzle of appreciation for his selfless service.

His human worked less and was therefore generally happier and more affectionate. Fishback got more cuddles and felt better about his contribution to the world, and others the world over learned to treat each other better under his tutelage. It was a win-win-win.

The End

Originally mailed to M. Haley of Lake Orion, Michigan

The Saga of Fishback the Cat - Chapter 19

After a long quest, Fishback the Cat had finally returned home. He had the knowledge he would need to better rule over the humans in his house, but found his feelings toward them had changed. When he left, he thought them a bunch of lazy, selfish creatures with little to no regard for others. Now he better understood Andrew, the human he lived with, understood the hardships he endured, the sacrifices he made to ensure Fishback's comfort. Fishback took a swig of the potion he had stolen from the gods during his quest. The world grew around him, and his familiar tufts of fur sprouted from his legs, all four of them. Testing his body, he lept to the counter easily three times taller than him with ease and grace. He was back. He was a cat again. In exultation, he hopped over the furniture, darted around corners with speed he had sorely missed, and knocked things off of tables because he could.

The door opened, and rather than dart away or stare suspiciously from under the chair as was his custom, he ran to the living room to greet his human. He purred and wove himself between the man's legs as he shuffled in, dropping his keys on his way to the kitchen, pulling out his knife, and cutting a hunk of meat to feed the cat.

“You're awfully affectionate today,” Andrew said as he began to pet the cat. “Where've you been the past few days? Did you miss me?”

Fishback purred louder. He enjoyed the attention, as he usually did, but today, he didn't cuddle for himself. He cuddled to reassure his human, to soothe him after a long day in the confusing world of men, where Mexican food could be made in America and German steel could be made in China and they worked hard all week to be able to relax for two days. Now that he knew how to rule them, he found he just wanted to care for them.

Originally mailed to P. and D. Goff of Madison, Mississippi

The Saga of Fishback the Cat - Chapter 18

Having escaped those who would do him harm, Fishback the (former) Cat followed his feline instincts for the path out of the Underworld. With eight lives remaining, his sense for the road to the living lands was keen, and he found it without much difficulty. It was long and dark and empty, the way death ought to be, lit only by those few souls as they descended from above for their final rest or rose up into the obscuring mists for the resurrection. Theirs was the easy method, quick and direct, but as one who must take the path multiple times, Fishback, like all cats, was forced to earn each rebirth.

As he took the Long Walk, the first thing that caught him was the darkness that lurked just beyond the path, calling out to his curiosity. He resisted, knowing the law of the road. Should he stray from the path, he would forfeit any remaining lives the cat had, and the temptations were many. Soon, the dark mists filled with noises. Skitters first that he wanted to pounce, the voices he wanted to answer, roars he wanted to flee from, but he was a bold cat and he had undergone a first death as though it were his last. He could brave a few noises. Then the loneliness settled in, and he longed so for companionship, which the voices promised. How long had he been on the road? Minutes? Years? He couldn't tell, except that he felt he had never gone so long without the sight of another. Still, the glowing potion that would return him to his feline form and give him mastery over his humans helped keep the dark at bay, and it gave him strength, reminding him of his purpose when the voices tried to tempt him from his path.

He would not be tempted so close to the end of his journey. He would overcome the voices. He would complete the Long Walk and he would be reborn a wiser and more benevolent cat.

Originally mailed to S. Gill of Ocean Springs, Mississippi

The Saga of Fishback the Cat - Chapter 17

Fishback the (former) Cat pulled himself from the wreckage of his high speed car chase and hoped he still had enough time to make good his escape before the gods' guards caught him and his stolen shape shifting potion. Above the roar of the fire that swept over his stolen car, he heard a strange sort of music and the shouts of a thousand people. Surely in such a loud crowd he could lose his pursuers.

He ran up the hill, following the sound through the alleys and across the thoroughfares until he came upon a teeming mass of people, gathered together in costumes to watch another mass of people gather in costumes walk along playing music. If he couldn't blend in here, he deserved to be caught. He grabbed a colorful stick from a random bystander and strapped the glowing bottle to the end, fashioning himself a baton, vibrant and luminous like so many others he saw.

He could see the crowds shuffle as the gods' guards forced their way through, scanning faces for his, but there among the parade, he may as well have been invisible. Two miles down the route, they abandoned their search, and Fishback the (former, soon to be again) Cat was free to live his remaining eight lives.

Originally mailed to J. Germany of Biloxi, Mississippi

The Saga of Fishback the Cat - Chapter 16

As he escaped from the halls of the afterlife with the gods' own shape shifting potion, Fishback the (former) Cat longed for his catlike speed and agility, but quickly changed his tune when he saw the Ferrari 458 Spider. He didn't know much about cars, but he did know that humans used these strange hands of theirs to go a whole lot faster than a cat ever could. After a brief while experimenting with pedals and buttons and wheels, he soon discovered that pressing his right foot down made the thing roar like a lion and run like a cheetah, and the circle in the middle could be used to direct its rampaging charge.

A banshee's wail of sirens and a cold fiery glow appeared in his mirrors, and he knew this meant the gods knew of his little theft (or two, since he'd taken the car as well). It was good to outrun, but he would need to outmaneuver as well. Fortunately, though his human body was awkward and clumsy, the car handled like his old self, nimbly weaving between cars the way he used to dart between chair legs. Why this “Ferrari” chose to name itself after an ugly awkward spider instead of a ferocious feline such as himself, he couldn't fathom.

He would make good his escape. He was sure of it. The blue and red lights had all but vanished from his rear view, and he congratulated himself all the way up to the moment he carved a turn too tightly and the car launched itself into the air. He could only hope the vehicle chose to land on its feet.

Originally mailed to C. George of San Diego, California

The Saga of Fishback the Cat - Chapter 15

Fishback the (former) Cat had earned what he set out to master, the secrets of why man is what he is, and he had descended into the after life to do so. Now he wanted his life back. As a cat, he innately knew the way back to the land of the living, but that wasn't enough. He wanted to be a cat again, needed it. Through the dark halls of the Stygian world that held him, he crept. Somewhere, he would find where the gods slept and he would steal the elixir used to change his shape.

He knew it the second he saw it. He recognized its soft blue glow from a lifetime ago when first he made his wish to better understand and control mankind. As he closed in on his target, he realized two things. The bottle was too big to carry as a cat, and its contents too bountiful for only one use. He would need to remain a man until he made good his escape.

Cautiously, he took the bottle from the table, and when the alarms sounded, he ran.

Originally mailed to D. Garner of Biloxi, Mississippi

The Saga of Fishback the Cat - Chapter 14

Being dead brought with it a peace such as Fishback the (former) Cat had never known. He found all his worries had vanished with his life. No longer did he need to wonder when his next meal would come. He did not need to concern himself with whether he might be injured or killed while out exploring. He did not need anything. He had a comfortable bed, tables full of food, and all the entertainment a man could ask for. He had lived a good life, and he could accept his reward, an eternity of peace and happiness.

But he was no man. He did not want tables full of food with plates and silverware. He did not want their entertainment, their books and games and movies. He had lived a good life. One. There were still so many questions to ask, so many rocks and leaves to look under, so many things to knock off of tables. Despite the body the god of boxes had put him in, despite all the understanding he had gained of humanity, at heart, he was still a cat. He had eight more lives to live.

Originally mailed to A. and S. Navoy of Jackson, Mississippi

The Saga of Fishback the Cat - Chapter 13

Fishback the (former) Cat left his human's shop wiser in the ways of man. His quest to better understand people that he might better rule them was drawing to a satisfactory close. He understood at last what it meant to be human, to have to work and suffer, to try and fail and try again, to be clever, to be adaptable, to devote yourself to something that gives nothing in return. For the first time in his life, he genuinely cared for his human. He wanted to cuddle up to him not for the joy a cat receives when someone pets him, but to give his human the joy a person receives when someone shares affection.

He made his way toward home, or at least in the direction he felt home was. The road was empty, and so he walked along it as though he owned it, for not every cat impulse had been purged. The view was scenic and full of lush trees, breathtaking vistas, and something new around every curve. Around one such curve, however, was a semi, careening quickly around the corner. Fishback made efforts to dive out of the way, but he knew they would fail. In human form, he was nowhere near so fast or agile as he had been as a cat. But with this knowledge came a sort of zen moment of peace, a clarity that comes with a task at last completed.

“This is the final lesson,” said Fishback. “Man has but one life to live, and I a man, am about to lose mine. I see how little time they have to do all they wish to do. Now I know what it is to fear death as they do.”

He hardly felt a thing before all went black. In the darkness, a ghostly form appeared before him.

“Come, Fishback,” he said, arm outstretched. “The road has been long, but you have at last learned what you sought out to know. Let me lay your weary head to rest. You have earned this sleep at last.”

Originally mailed to S. Donohue of Allen Park, Michigan

The Saga of Fishback the Cat - Chapter 12

As Fishback the (former) Cat stepped clear of the zeppelin, he blinked in disbelief at where it had dropped him. Of all places in all worlds, his goddess Bastet left him here at Andrew's Wholesale and Retail, the place his human so often went to during the day. Cautiously, the man who only days ago had been a cat entered the building.

It was full of boxes and odds and ends, the sort of thing that humans liked, blanketed beneath a thin layer of dust. Andrew, who had slouched over on the counter, shot up, full of excitement when Fishback entered.

“Can I help you find anything?” Andrew asked.

Fishback recognized his human instantly, though he never saw him this excited. It figured. Lazy humans were no doubt ecstatic to be away from their cat masters. “Wouldn't you rather be someplace else?” asked Fishback.

“Yeah,” said Andrew. “Back at home, but I need the money.”

Fishback had heard of money before. He wasn't sure what it was, but he remembered Andrew seemed to think it was more important than his dear old cat.

“Wouldn't you rather be with your cat?”

Andrew looked at him cautiously.

“You smell like a cat person,” said Fishback.

Andrew sniffed himself, then shrugged. “Of course I would, but if I have no money, I can't feed him, and I was raised to believe you should feed your pets before you feed yourself. Truth is, I'm often so tired after work, it's all the strength I have left to feed him. Too tired to feed myself, too tired to pet him.”

And Fishback understood then all the sacrifices his human made for him. He wasn't lazy. He was dedicated.

“Are you looking to buy anything?” Andrew asked.

“I'm sorry,” said Fishback. “I have no money.”

Originally mailed to T. Danley of New Orleans, Louisiana

The Saga of Fishback the Cat - Chapter 11

Aboard Bastet's zeppelin, Fishback the (former) Cat followed his goddess down to the lounge, where she and her entourage sat on comfy pillows, ate delicious foods, and had their every whim catered to by her staff. It was heaven.

“Rest, Fishback,” said the goddess of cats. “Your quest to understand humans has been long and you are no doubt tired. You have done more and gone farther than any cat before you. Your curiosity has shown more to you than many could dream to discover. Rest, my dear. Enjoy the fruits of your labors and I will have my servants grant your every wish.”

Fishback lay down on the large pillow before him. It was heavenly, the most comfortable place he had ever sat. Bastet's servants encircled him, lavishing him with fish and fowl, with back scratches and belly rubs. He truly had found paradise. Still at the back of his mind, he could not quiet a nagging voice that told him this was not what he sought. This was fool's gold. He set out to understand man that he might better command them. He had not done so yet. Though Bastet's attendants gave him everything he wanted, they were the fruits of his desires, not the tree. He could command them as he pleased, and they would obey, but for the wrong reasons. They would obey because she commanded it and not for any wisdom or virtue he possessed. It was a hollow mastership and a false end to his journey.

“Your hospitality is beyond measure,” said Fishback, “but I fear I must leave your goodly company and make my own way to paradise.”

She nodded to his wisdom and gave her leave. Before his quest, he had never considered the shallow joys of reward without work. Now that he had seen what it was to be human, had seen how they worked to achieve and the joy their success gave them, he knew he could never go back. He would work for his happiness, for a comfort earned is sweeter.

Originally mailed to R. Cox of Biloxi, Mississippi

The Saga of Fishback the Cat - Chapter 10

Beyond the gate lay a large cliff with a sort of pier leading off the edge, though what purpose it served Fishback the (former) Cat could not guess. He peered over the edge and decided, upon seeing clouds below him, the drop would have been too great to survive even when he was still a cat. So he waited.

After some time, a great silvery bubble of a ship rose from the clouds, a zeppelin it was called, and docked with his wooden pier. Out stepped a woman and her companions, all of whom wore clothing that Fishback found strange even by human standards. They looked as though Victorians had raided a home repair shop and insisted on attacking every gear and gasket in the building, their clothes a mess of clockwork gore.

“Welcome, Fishback,” spoke the woman.

“Do I know you, lady?” asked Fishback.

“You do not recognize me, but you know me,” she said, “just as I know you and all your feline brethren.”

“Bastet?” asked Fishback. “I thought you had a cat's head.”

“I can be cat or woman or anywhere inbetween I choose,” said she. “This is how I learned to hold dominion over man. But come close, you seem frightened and unsure.”

“I am, my goddess,” said the once cat. “Since the god of boxes made me human, I find I am constantly filled with doubts and fears, second guessing myself at every turn. I have no confidence anymore.”

“Then your quest to understand what it means to be human has done you credit, but this insecurity comes with its advantages. After all, he who has no worries cannot truly be comforted.”

She held her arms wide, and he accepted her embrace, her warm arms firm against his back as she petted him along the spine. For that moment, there in his goddess's arms, he had never felt more loved or safe.

Originally mailed to J. Cox of New Orleans, Louisiana

The Saga of Fishback the Cat - Chapter 9

As the sun sank, Fishback the (former) Cat came across a large gate. Just as he moved to pass through, a fire flared to life, illuminating a woman who stepped slowly out from the shadows. With a twist of her lithe body, the flames danced around her, creating a mesmerizing wall of swirling fire. Though she said nothing, Fishback knew she guarded the gate and that if he wanted to proceed, he would have to get past her or else abandon his quest to better understand and thus better rule mankind.

He tried slipping by the side, but her frame flowed quickly to block his path, as though she were made of water. He tried another direction, but as effortlessly as grass she swayed and the flames were before him. He ducked and she dipped, he jumped and she leapt, ever the epitome of the cat-like grace he had once possessed, the nimble limbs and lightning reflexes he had given up in his journey to better understand humans.

After half an hour trying to get past the fire dancer, he found himself forced to do something he had never done before. Admit someone else was better than him.

“You act with such grace, I must assume you were once a cat, for no human can move as you do. Tell me, how did you come to this sad state?”

“I was never a cat,” said the guardian. “Rather, I spent many years dedicating myself to perfecting my body and my motions. It has been long, hard work, but it is worth it.

Poor humans, thought Fishback. They had to dedicate entire lifetimes to master simple movements that came naturally to him and his kind. He bowed, and praised her skill and determination once more, and for his humility she let him pass.

So this is what it meant to be human? To work hard all one's life, and still know that there were others better than you at most every task.

Originally mailed to L. Caljouw of Oud-Beijerland, the Netherlands

The Saga of Fishback the Cat - Chapter 8

“They can't climb to save their lives, and now I find out there were alligators in the water? How are humans supposed to cross a swamp safely?”

Fishback the (former) Cat struggled with his new life as a human. He lacked claws, he couldn't jump. When he saw gators lining the swamp bed, he tried to dart out of the way, but unlike his old cat body, he was sluggish and clumsy. He almost tripped over his own feet ducking behind the nearby bushes. He certainly couldn't trust this awkward body to sneak past anything. He didn't even have good ears or reflective eyes.

His quest to better understand, and thus better control his human subjects was not going well. So far, all he had learned was that fish hate being eaten and humans can't do anything except pinch their noses and make for easy crocodile bait.

As he took a peak at the alligators, he stubbed his toe on a rock, which he picked up and threw it as far as he could. It landed with a thud some distance off, and the gators took notice. A light clicked on. As a cat, he could knock things about, maybe heave it into the air if it got caught on his claws. As a human, however, he could grab anything he wanted. He tossed more rocks to distract the alligators and to lure them away from his position. Once he'd put sufficient distance between them and himself, he picked up a large stick, ready to swing it at things if things decided to come for him.

“I see,” he said as he skirted the edge of the swamp. “Humans lack any natural advantages save for fingers, so they must be easily frightened, but fingers let them use whatever they find to gain advantage, which makes them an unpredictable foe not to be underestimated. When I return to my home, I will remember to be more cautious of not only my human subjects but anything within arms reach of them.”

Originally mailed to P. Brown of Clovis, New Mexico

The Saga of Fishback the Cat - Chapter 7

Fishback the (former) Cat stepped through the mystical doorway and on the other side, he found a swamp.

“Aww, this quest stinks,” he said and pinched his nose, grateful that his awkward new human form at least had nose-pinching going for it. “Not just water, which all cats hate, but dirty water too? How is any of this supposed to help me learn to enslave all mankind to my cat-ish whims?”

He poked cautiously at the water with his toes. The green film of algae and decaying leaves sloshed a bit, then washed back toward the shore. Blech.

“No matter,” said Fishback. “I'll just climb these trees and-”

But he found he could not climb the trees, for his claws did not poke out the way he wanted them to, nor did they retract. They just sat there short and useless on the tips of his fingers. He tried leaping to the higher branches, hoping to grasp on the way he had seen monkeys do, but he couldn't get more than a quarter of his height off the ground. He sighed. Back when he was a cat, he could jump atop things five times his size. As a human, he could barely jump over his own feet.

“They can't jump. They can't use their claws,” said Fishback. “Those poor humans can't do anything.”

He shrugged. He wouldn't be able to traverse the high, beautiful overarching canopy above him, but he could still use his last water-bending spell to walk across the swamp. With a few magic words the former cat had learned from the god of boxes, the waters parted before him. He would cross this swamp and learned to bend men to his feline will one way or another.

Originally mailed to B. Bowser of Brandon, Mississippi

The Saga of Fishback the Cat - Chapter 6

“Your quest to understand and thus control humanity is a quest of understanding, a quest of empathy,” said Boxtet, the god of boxes. “You must learn to see the world from the other side of the lens.”

“What does that mean?” said Fishback the Cat, who was now, in fact, not a cat but a human thanks to the god's spell.

“It means you must learn how it feels be told what to do by a cat.”

“Amazing, I'm sure,” said Fishback. “They surely must feel privileged to cater to my every whim, just as the fish must be honored to be eaten by me.”

“They don't, Fishback. I think your quest will need to show you empathy for more than just humans. I think we must start you off with some empathy for the fish you eat.”

The former cat stared blankly at the god.

“I think it best to place the mystic first gate on your quest in the belly of a great shark so that you will understand how the tiny fish feel, being swallowed up by so great a creature as yourself.”

The cat feigned indifference, but he knew deep down that he would have to do as the god commanded if he were ever to enslave mankind. He walked the awkward two-legged gait of humanity to the beach and waited for the largest shark imaginable to approach shore. It lurked in the depths, too far away for Fishback to want anything to do with it, so he used his magic to summon a mighty wave to move the leviathan onto the beach, then pulled the wave back, stranding it. He may have to be eaten by a shark, but he would not be getting wet on this day.

Its massive jaws hung open to him, there on the beach, waiting like a terrible gate. Fishback entered and he felt fear and he understood what it meant to be eaten.

Originally mailed to L. Bourlet of Biloxi, Mississippi

The Saga of Fishback the Cat - Chapter 5

“If you wish to learn to make humans do as you say,” said Boxtet, the god of boxes, “you must understand what it is to be human.”

“That sounds awful,” said Fishback the Cat. “I don't know that I want anything to do with this quest.”

“Many would agree with you, but have you never wondered why Bastet, goddess of cats, is half human herself? So that she may better understand, and thus sway the mortal minions of man, of course.”

Fishback paced, circled a pillow, kneaded its fluffy cotton filling for several minutes as he thought. “Well,” he said after no small amount of deliberation, “if Bastet can do it, I suppose it will not be so terrible. I suppose.”

Boxtet nodded and said a few words in the language of boxes, whose sound Fishback could later only describe to be hollow and full of corners, and the air twinged with magic. The cat, who had only just become comfortable, found himself stretched upward, his beautiful fur sloughing off in clumps.

“But I had just found the good spot on the pillow!” cried Fishback in a voice that was part mewl, part whatever awkward thing it was that people did with their mouths to make words.

“This,” said Boxtet, “is the first lesson you will learn about being human. No sooner does he find peace and comfort than someone comes along and messes it all up.”

Originally mailed to M. Blackwood of Los Angeles, California

The Saga of Fishback the Cat - Chapter 4

“If I'm going to go on this quest for you,” said Fishback the Cat to the god of boxes, “isn't it customary for me to get some sort of cool thing. A magic sword. A fairy guide? All the good quests have magic in them.”

Boxtet, the god of boxes, briefly considered reminding the cat that he was taking the quest for his own benefit and not for anything the god needed or even wanted, but being wise, he knew there would be no sense in arguing. Cats were notorious do-as-they-pleasers and believe-what-they-willers. To get the feline on his way faster, Boxtet rifled through his god-like pockets for any scrap bit of magic that might impress a cat. He didn't dare trust Fishback to summon bits of string, lest the whole world become a tangled mess of yarn. Nor did he want to give the cat-

“I'm waiting,” said Fishback, with an impatient swish of his tail.

“Oh, very well,” said Boxtet, and he grabbed the first piece of cat appropriate magic he could find. “This spell will let you move water. You cats hate water, right?”

“With the fire of a thousand suns,” said Fishback.

“Good. Then move water you shall, but it will only work three times.”

“Three? Don't you know who I am? I am Fishback the Cat! King of this whole house and the surrounding yard! I am on a quest to learn to subserviate humans, and you give me only three uses of your water spell?”

“That's the way these things work, I'm afraid,” said Boxtet. “Three is a magic number.”

To satisfy his own curiosity, Fishback bent away the water that a particularly dirty pan had been soaking in. True to Boxtet's word, the water did just as Fishback wanted.

“It will now only work two more times.”

Originally mailed to M. Bennett of Plano, Texas

The Saga of Fishback the Cat - Chapter 3

“If you wish to discover the means to make men do as you say, you must go on a quest,” said Boxtet, the god of boxes.

“A quest?” asked Fishback the Cat incredulously. “That sounds long and tiring.”

“And yet, quest you must.”

“But I'm so busy. My royal agenda is practically brimming with important appointments, appointments I can't reschedule. I have yarn batting, napping, lap sitting. Who will do these things while I am gone?”

“These tasks will wait for you to return.”

Fishback shuddered at the idea of a task left undone. He was a cat very serious about his leisure, and he very much hated to procrastinate such responsibilities.

“Can't I just make one of my humans quest for me?” he asked.

Rather than reply, Boxtet simply stared at Fishback until the cat realized the foolishness of his question.
“Well, then I simply won't do it,” said Fishback.

“As you wish,” said Boxtet. “Then you are free to enjoy a life of being petted when the humans desire, of being moved off of laptops when they are warm, of being fed the meager portions the veterinarian claims is 'healthy.' Things will stay just as they are.”

Boxtet began to fade, and like the cat he is, Fishback was indifferent until the god was almost gone before deciding to commit.

“Very well,” said the cat casually, kneading at the pillow he lay on. “I guess I will do this quest, as I have nothing better to do.”

Originally mailed to K. Ballard of Owensborough, Kentucky

The Saga of Fishback the Cat - Chapter 2

“You called?” said a tall human with a square head made of cardboard.

“No,” said Fishback the Cat, “I called the cat goddess Bastet. I seek wisdom.”

“I believe it,” said the human. “Clearly it is wisdom you lack if you call for a cat and expect it to come. I am her emissary, Boxtet, the box god.”

“Why would a cat goddess associate with a box head?” said Fishback incredulously.

“Can you think of anything cats love more than boxes?”

He could. Lasers. Catnip. Exactly three belly rubs. Things precariously stacked on other things. That being said, with boxes in the mix, it was very nearly a five way tie for first.

“And you can teach me to make the humans obey?”

“If you do as I say, you will have this knowledge, yes,” said Boxtet.

Fishback had never heard of a box god, and so the whole affair made him skeptical. And yet, he could not deny the trust he felt for the strange man. After all, how many times in his life had a box shared its secrets, offered him shelter, given him a place to hide before the pounce? Yes, boxes had never given him reason to doubt. He would trust this box now.

“What would you have me do?”

Originally mailed to A. Anderson of Portland, Oregon

The Saga of Fishback the Cat - Chapter 1

They called him Fishback the Cat because he had a toy fish that he would always snatch back if you took it. Also, he was a cat. Like any cat, he fancied himself the king of all he surveyed, and naturally he became quite cross any time his human underlings would grab him for no reason, nom his head, or rub his belly four times when he clearly only wanted three belly rubs. What sort of crazy world did he live in when his subjects treated him thus? His clawed efforts to chastise their insolence were met with blasts of water from their squirt bottles, not that he ever passed any laws that allowed the populous to legally arm themselves. It was madness, utter madness, especially the way they seemed to fawn over every cat they saw on the internet. When it came to their own king, however, the humans didn't show nearly the same level of adoration.

“What to do about this rebellious peasantry?” he asked himself, while reading about the way poor Tybalt, Prince of Cats, was tricked by Reynard the Fox.

He envied the Egyptians, who had somehow managed to teach their humans proper respect. Which brought to mind, if not an answer to his problems, then a way to find an answer.

“Bastet!” he cried. “Of course! The cat goddess will know what to do!”

Not that he had any idea how to summon a cat goddess, and those lazy humans sure weren't going to look it up for him. Such were the difficulties of King Fishback the Cat.

Originally mailed to H. Ainsworth of Gulfport, Mississippi